Word Salad

The technology business isn't going very well at present so I've decided to look for other work, as in a REAL job that, you know, pays and contributes to the household good rather than remaining at a steady state of blah.

Conventional thought suggests that one applies for employment that matches one's skill set. My skill set, let's see here:

  • law enforcement
  • web development
  • computer repair
  • martial arts
  • musician
  • artist, kinda
 So far no matches without the requisite degree - my degree is in Biblical Studies, not much lining up unless I start preaching (a job I've been offered recently) and, given my disdain for mainstream Christianity, probably a bad idea.

Failing the job search, for today at least, I want to address these employment notpurtunities I've been running across recently specifically the mission statements and job descriptions. Here's a few samples of the type of syntactical blather I've been seeing:

Part of a mission statement: "This change will allow us to better leverage our talent base in an area where developmental roles are under way and strategically focuses us toward the upcoming Business System transition where Systems literacy and accuracy will be essential to maintain and to further improve service levels to our customer base going forward." ...mmkay.

Job descriptions:


  • "analysis and validation of support strategies for customer satisfaction parameters"
  • "parameters of team competency assessment support"
  • "focus on ownership of teamwork assessment validation assets"
  • "empowering your interactive competency team process"
  • "utilizing paradigms of support validation strategies of assessment" 
Am I qualified?! Good Lord! I think I can analyze and validate support strategies for customer satisfaction within any given parameters with a focus on owning validation assets under the umbrella of a paradigm purporting to be competent teamwork within a matrix of empowerment strategies outlined herein! Are we good?

In the late eighties and early nineties the buzzwords were all sports metaphors, now this. Ugh, regardless of your education and background I believe in the KISS framework (framework - ha), Keep It Simple, Stupid. I dunno about all this high falootin gobbledygook; it smacks of job justification for the HR folks.