How To Deal With a Bully 21st Century Skeptic Style
I'm addressing the kids that are being bullied and what I'm telling my kids to do and what you can tell your kids. I refuse to be responsible for what you tell your kids and what they do as a result of this article. Disclaimer disclosed.
Do you know what to look for if your child is being bullied? Here are some common signs:
1. An - A - student rapidly drops to a - C - student.
2. Bruises or cuts that your child blames on other things.
3. A general depressed view of life.
4. A sudden unexplained aversion to wanting to go to school.
5. Vanishing lunch money.
6. Getting in trouble for fights that your child swears he or she didn't start.
These signs point to trouble, and need to be investigated further. You as the parent or caregiver need to put lots of attention on solving the problem. If you ignore it, your child could at the minimum suffer lower self-esteem, poor grades, self-confidence issues and a future of the same. Worst case, your child could be physically hurt, or even killed.
If your child is being bullied it's time to wade in as Mamma Bear, Papa Bear whatever - it's time to over-react and get a handle on it immediately. Talk to your child to find out who the bully is and what he or she has been doing to your child. This may be difficult, because most kids are ashamed to let their parents know what awful things have been done to them. You must press on and find out all the details. Either the same day you find out, or early the next morning go to the school and talk to the highest-ranked person there (probably the principal) and scream bloody murder.
Do not be gentle in your approach with the school otherwise little if anything will be done. Demand that the bully be taken out of that class, or expelled from the school. Threaten law suits against the school and against the parents of the bully if there is even the slightest bullying against your child. If you don't get results go to the school board, pursue legal action. This doesn't mean you will get every demand but you will put the school system on notice that you're taking action all the way through to resolution.
Make life a living hell for the bully that attacked your child. Your son or daughter will probably hate all the attention you are putting on the situation, but for sure they will thank you for it later, and it is your primary job as a parent to protect your child from harm. Follow up after your complaint to the school. Ask your child if the bullying has stopped, go back to the school over and over again until you get what you want. No one messes with your child.
I wasn't a big fan of school and I dealt with my fair share of bullying until about 10th grade when I took a stand and belted my tormentor in the mouth. That was the end of my torment from that particular idiot. My best friend in high school faced this same scenario the same way and, I think, in the same year with the same results. Do I advocate violence? Not as a general rule but in some cases I find it both cathartic and empowering for the abused. Enough is enough sometimes, folks, let's get down to brass tacks here and stop with all the feel good mumbo jumbo. Forgive me if I digress, violence - last resort.
School should be a pleasant learning experience for your child. If he or she is being tormented everyday by a bully there is little chance that your child will do well in school.
Bullying is always an escalating venture. It starts out usually with name-calling. Just like the shark that bumps it's prey before attacking, the bully will be checking to see if there is fear in his proposed victim. If there is, he or she will continue with more and more humiliating attacks, such as throwing objects like spit balls, paper airplanes, rocks and bricks. Use of liquids such as glue on the chair seat, paint on the chair seat, throwing milk. Spitting on the victim, spitting in the victim's food. Damaging the belongings of the victim. Writing on the books, breaking into the victim's locker, stealing personal items of the victim. Physical blows to the victim. Kicking the shin, the groin, the body, punching the stomach, the face, the shoulder, the back. Shooting the victim with everything from a sling-shot to a shotgun. The older the kids get, the more brazen the torment the bullies bring. How long are you going to put up with it?
I have seen in school systems bullies bust up another kid to the point they were nearly unrecognizable, both kids get kicked out for fighting (UNFAIR) or some lesser sentence for the bully like detention. Unacceptable.
Things can get really out of hand for your child if you allow it. Bullying is not limited to school. It often happens in the neighborhood, at the park, at after-school programs. There will always be bullies around your child. Don't let your child be the victim.
Strategies
Stopping the problem before it becomes a problem is always the best tactic. Here's what you should teach your child to help them to deal with bullies: Make sure your child understands that no matter how big and scary looking the bully is, he or she does not have the right to hurt your child and that the bully is being a bully because he or she is insecure and is a coward. You've got to give your child the confidence to stand up to the bully.
Most all schools have a zero-violence policy. If a child fights, that child gets sent home. Tell your child that when it comes to bullies, you expect him or her to fight back and that you will support your child's actions 100%. Many kids never fight back against bullies because they are afraid they'll be in trouble with their parents, and they allow the bully to harass them for many years.
By the way, one of our personal favorites here is to laugh at an insult or name calling and walk away. That's working good in elementary school for now but how about later?
Teach your child to over-react to the threat of a bully and to follow these guidelines: If some kid calls your child a bad word, he or she should look the bully right in the eye and angrily command "Stop It!" Immediately after, your child should go to the principal. Yard monitors for the most part won't be of much help. Your child needs to go right to the top. If on a subsequent occasion the bully physically touches your child in any manner, your child should very forcefully slap the bullies hand off, and with eye contact and a pointed finger-- command loudly "Don't EVER touch me again!"
In my law enforcement days we used to say "Stop resisting!" very loudly when dealing with a combative suspect. It has a psychological effect on witnesses and makes them pay attention to what's going on, sorting out the aggressor from the non-aggressor.
Teach your son or daughter to have a defiant attitude toward bullies. He or she should become very angry when a bully attempts physical contact. Your child should then go straight to the principal's office to complain, and call you at work or home. Once again, this should be made a very big deal.
It has to be so painful for the school when a bully tries to hurt your child that everyone at the school goes out of their way to prevent it from happening. If you under-react nothing will be done. Schools are run as a bureaucracy and for anything to get done, you first have to get noticed. You and your child need to cause a major ruckus every time there is a problem with a bully.
If it happens again that the bully physically touches or harms your child, instruct your child to snap kick the bully in the groin full power, and then to stand over the bully and say "You were warned, next time I won't be so nice!!" Then again, right to the principal's office. Pick your technique here, it doesn't have to be a groin shot.
Your child might get suspended for the day. But, it will change two people's lives forever and will be well worth it. Your son or daughter will be changed because he or she will have learned to fight back, and with the confidence gained from the experience, your child will most likely never be targeted again as a bully's victim. Your child would also have done the bully a big favor. The bully would have learned that it's not a good idea to go up to people and pick on them. If the bully hadn't learned this lesson with your child, he might have continued to bully people for many years. As an adult, the bully might go up and harass an armed person who may not be as forgiving as your child was.
Bullying for a junior high school or high school student can be a very dangerous proposition. The bully/victim relationship is basically the same as it was in elementary school, but now the bullies are much bigger and stronger and are capable of extreme damage. Especially in junior high school the amount of bullying and fights increase dramatically. Most likely this is due to the onset of adolescence.
Young adults try to establish a "pecking order" at this age. To make sure your child doesn't end up on the low end of that order, here are a few things to help: It's better to have friends than enemies. Encourage your child to have as many friends as possible. Try to get your child to get involved in team sports, and in some of the clubs available in junior high and high school. In general, kids with a strong core group of friends don't get picked on much.
Once again, instill an indignant attitude in your child toward bullies. Instruct your child to not let an aggressor get away with anything. Should a bully attempt to torment your child, he or she should instantly fight back, and then again go straight to the principal to report what happened and to call you. Cause a stink, get results. If your child doesn't immediately fight back, the hesitation will be interpreted as fear and will cause the bully's attacks to get worse.
Do your child a big favor and teach them not to stand for being bullied-- not now, not ever. This martial artist attitude will give your child a happy, rewarding time during school and for the rest of his or her life.
The school system will not endorse this type of response to bullying. They are at the mercy of policy and procedure. Your child is at the mercy of the bully - YOU decide which is more important.
