Cultivate Compassion
compassion.” - Dalai Lama
If you're looking for some long-term happiness in your life, you might consider giving the cultivation of compassion a try. Short-term happiness often comes from pleasures like sex, gambling, video games and so on and have a very limited effect. You want something more permanent and you can achieve that lasting happiness by simply being compassionate.
What is compassion?
A good definition is found on Wikipedia: compassion is an emotion that is a sense of shared suffering, most often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another; to show special kindness to those who suffer. Compassion essentially arises through empathy, and is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel compassionate for.
Compassionate acts are generally considered those which take into account the suffering of others and attempt to alleviate that suffering as if it were one’s own. In this sense, the various forms of the Golden Rule are clearly based on the concept of compassion.
Compassion differs from other forms of helpful or humane behavior in that its focus is primarily on the alleviation of suffering.
So what's in it for me?
Good question, and the answer is science. Studies suggest that there are a number of benefits tied to the practice of compassion. People who regularly cultivate compassion produce 100 percent more DHEA, an anti-aging hormone, and 23 percent less cortisol, the so called stress hormone.
Emotionally and spiritually, being compassionate helps you to be more happy and obviously helps others around you to be happier. Knowing that we all have the desire for happiness, it's evident that compassion may be the best path for achieving that happiness.
Making compassion your priority.
Like most activities, cultivating compassion is a commitment and requires repetition. I'm going to suggest that you try to cultivate some compassion daily.
Consider or meditate on being more compassionate upon arising from sleep, in your contact with others, and reflect on it before retiring for the day. Practice is perfect and it soon becomes a part of your routine and your life. The Dalai Lama has said, “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”
Start your day with the right mindset
When you arise for the day, start with a ritual. The Dalai Lama suggests this train of thought: “Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts
towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” When you're feeling comfortable with this move on to the next segment.
The practice
The best way to cultivate compassion is to develop empathy for your fellow human beings. Most of us believe that we have empathy and, in fact, just about everyone does have some level of empathy. The reality is this though: most of us are self centered, including me. As a result we lose that ability to show empathy gradually over time. Imagine that someone you love is suffering. Something terrible has happened to him or her. Try to imagine the pain they are going through. Get a good visual with all of the detail you can muster. In a couple of weeks, you should try moving on to imagining the suffering of others you know, not just those who are close to you.
We have a tendency to find and sometimes point out the differences between ourselves and others. As a change of mindset look for what you have in common. At the root of it all, we are all human beings. We need food, shelter and love. We desire attention, recognition, affection, a sense of belonging, and, above all, happiness. Consider what you have in common with every other human being and try to ignore the differences. There's a great set of exercises found in an article from Ode Magazine. Try this five-step exercise when you meet friends and strangers. Do it discreetly and try to do all the steps with the same person. With your attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:
Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
Learning to wear the other person's shoes especially if they don't have any
If you can empathize with another person and understand his/her humanity and suffering, you will logically feel motivated to help that person and relieve their suffering. This is the very definition of compassion. Try this exercise: Imagine the suffering of a human being you’ve met recently. Now imagine that you are the one going through that suffering. Reflect on how much you
would like that suffering to end. Reflect on how happy you would be if another human being desired your suffering to end and acted upon it. Open your heart to that human being and if you feel even a little that you’d want their suffering to end, reflect on that feeling. That’s the feeling that you want to develop. With constant practice, that feeling can be grown and nurtured.
Acts of kindness
At this stage of your compassion practice, it's time to move on to the next exercise, expanding your ability to be compassionate. Imagine again the suffering of someone you know or met recently. Imagine again that you are that person, and are going through that suffering. Now imagine that another human being would like your suffering to end — perhaps your mother or
another loved one. What would you like for that person to do to end your suffering? Now reverse roles: you are the person who desires for the other person’s suffering to end. Imagine that you do something to help ease the suffering, or end it completely. Once you get good at this stage,
practice doing something small each day to help end the suffering of others, even in a tiny way.
Even a smile, or a kind word, or doing an errand or chore, or just talking about a problem with another person. Practice doing something kind to help ease the suffering of others. When you are good at this, discipline yourself to make it a daily practice, and eventually a throughout-the-day practice.
Compassion for the bully
The final phase in your practice is to expand it beyond those we love and meet, those who mistreat us. When you encounter someone who mistreats you, learn to withdraw rather than acting in anger. When you are more detached from the event, reflect on that person who mistreated you.
Try to imagine the background of that person. Try to imagine what that person was taught as a child. Imagine the day or week that person was going through, and what kind of bad things may have happened to that person. Imagine the mood and state of mind that person was in — the suffering that person must have been going through to mistreat you that way. Understand that their action was not about you, but about what they were going through. Reflect further about the suffering of that poor person, and see if you can imagine trying to stop the suffering of that person. Consider that if you mistreated someone, and they acted with kindness and compassion toward you, whether that would make you less likely to mistreat that person the next
time and more likely to be kind to that person. Once you have mastered this practice of reflection, try acting with compassion and understanding the next time a person treats you poorly. Do it in small doses until you are proficient. Practice is perfect.
Before retiring for the day
I highly recommend that you take a few minutes before you go to bed to reflect upon your day. Think about the people you met and talked to, and how you treated each other. Think about your goal that you stated upon awakening, to act with compassion towards others. How well did you do?
What could you do better? What did you learn from your experiences today? Discipline yourself to try at least one of the above practices and exercises.
Conclusion
Cultivating compassion can be done anywhere, any time. Whether you are at work, home, on the road, while traveling, while at a store, at the home of a friend or family member. Bracketing your day with a morning and evening routine, you can frame your day properly in an attitude of empathy, thanksgiving and compassion, furthering your personal growth. With practice, you can begin to do it throughout the day, and throughout your lifetime.
This, above all, with bring happiness to your life and to those around you.
“My message is the practice of compassion, love and kindness. These things are very useful in our daily life, and also for the whole of human society these practices can be very important.”
- Dalai Lama
